what do you do? when everything seems to crumble in.....at the same fucking time?

maybe it's the entire series of events today that makes me feel this way. i can't help but feel people are fucking me over. i like doing what i do with the magazine. but it's starting to sap up alot of my time and energy, and it's not paying off like it should, both money and effort wise. why do people have so much trouble saying what they mean? I feel like i'm being manipulated, and some people are expecting more than they should for an unpaid job.

fyp is such a bitch, even more so with mr T. He better pray we don't let his secret out.

Just living my life normally and observing what goes on around leaves me completely disillusioned about people, men especially. People don't seem to listen; you tell them once, you tell them twice, they come back asking the same questions, as if they've never been told. Until i begin to wonder, is it me, or them? Am i expecting too much of people?

And men. What kind of motherfucking race is that? At this point it seems like the Y chromosome has produced an entire species of complete fuckups and motherfucking liars. Married men. Boys. All of them. I see seemingly happily married couples with so much insecurities, it makes me wonder what kind of shit has gone down between them before that causes so much distrust. And the great revelation about Mr T last night. As k put it so aptly - what a complete motherfucker. Married, with a 5 month old baby, and still going online to sex forums and dating sites. I wonder how many poor girls out there have husbands and boyfriends like that, two-faced insecure selfish jerks.

I absolutely know what I must do. And I am trying my very best. When i do get pissed off enough i pretty much am able to keep to my resolution. I see a remote light at the end of the tunnel...and like with taylor, time heals. At least i learnt that much with taylor. He asked me if i was okay the other day - i don't know how he sensed i was down, but he did - and talking to him always makes me feel better. He told me about his internship opportunities with paris and asked for advice, even invited me to visit when i could, which was nice. Sometimes i think meeting him again, just as friends, would give me a better feeling about life in general. Just a feeling.

anyway. back to the fucking article. then the gig tmr. urgh.