how for real is he? what's it gonna be like when the time comes? wtf?

You and me, we come from different worlds
You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls
Sometimes you're crazy then you wonder why
I'm such a baby 'cause the Dolphins make me cry
But there's nothing I can do
I've been looking for a girl like you

You look at me, you got nothing left to say
I'm gonna pout at you until I get my way
I won't dance, you won't sing
I just wanna love you but you wanna wear my ring
But there's nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
I only wanna be with you

Put on a little Dylan
Sittin' on a fence
I said, "That line is great" you asked me what it meant by
Said I shot a man named Gray
Took his wife to Italy
She inherited a million bucks, and when she died it came to me
I can't help it if I'm lucky
I only wanna be with you
Ain't Bobby so cool
I only wanna be with you

Yeah I'm tangled up in blue
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
Only wanna be with you

Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever end
You get so mad at me when I go out with my friends
Sometimes you're crazy then you wonder why
I'm such a baby, yeah, the Dolphins make me cry
But there's nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
I only wanna be with you
Yeah I'm tangled up in blue
I only wanna be with you

Is this the New Year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?

Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit n' miss?
A misdirection, most in all this desperation

Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in

I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
From broken arms an' broken noses in the back
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

You're pushing till you're shoving
You bend until you break
Till you stand on the broken fields where our fathers lay

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in

There's nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?

It'll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found
Are you discontented? Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been through and down this broken house of cards?

It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in

Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

Just as I could find you, do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?

And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in

i'm the girl who lives on a small island with a pinhole view of the rest of the world because we're so sheltered and happy looking through the small bubble my govt has created.

he's the guy who lives on a big island with a pinhole view of the rest of the world because he's so sheltered and happy under the big bubble his govt has created.

notes from a big island, notes from a small island. we're all really quite the same.

sam invited to a party on friday night; the place was awesome. babes, hunks, fuckalicious gays. only a tad too pretentious maybe - everyone seemed to want to look upper class and rich (or maybe they are, i don't know). but then again it was all the in dark and i'm not famous for my sense of judgement anyway. met a couple of cute korean girls and some of sam's other pals. doug and ry turned up later to join in, i sensed a little tension in the air, between free drinks and free play.

it's a timeless place, life goes on without much sense of reality; i might have lost my directions for awhile. it's nice, sort of dreamy, but you know you'll have to wake up one day. but for now i'm just riding as the carrousel spins....hopefully not out of control. i'll just have to keep reminding myself i guess. after all, a carrousel is a carrousel.

thanks for the pineapple tarts my lovely friends, i think i mowed off the first layer within a night already :x

the past few days have been exhilarating, but today i'm just tired. it's hard to think when you're losing so much blood you know. that, plus the tiny glass of cabernet i had last night. certainly helped me sleep better but i wake up feeling like a heap of toothpaste.

history seems to be repeating itself, and it's scary how it's all happening in the same way all over again. same time, same words, same questions...with a twist. do we learn from the past? yet every situation is unique to its own, how then can anyone resolve to learn from experience? The lessons you learn from the past are not necessarily the ones that help you make the best decisions in a similar situation now.

once again i'm forced to draw the line between skepticism and being realistic, naiveness and innocence. but why are we so obsessed with the truth? at the end of the day truth is but a perceived set of elements that make up what we choose to believe - which we have no way of proving the validity of; something we stand by and take the consequences of.

that's enough of thinking for today. life should be about mango and zara.

"Mr Koizumi worships at a shrine that glorifies militarism. This person Koizumi doesn't know history or philosophy, doesn't study, doesn't have any culture. That's why he says stupid things, like, 'what's wrong about worshipping at Yasukuni?' Or, 'China and Korea are the only countries that criticise Yasukuni.' This stems from his ignorance."

-Chairman of japan's largest circulating paper, Mr Watanabe to the NYT [The Economist, Feb 16]

now that's what i call a bullshit-free statement.

hazy morning, a wild chicken run for the bus. twenty minutes later i completely (okay maybe not completely) embarrass myself in front of cute boy.

hot boys and scotch in the house...

I AM NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD TO WORK.

"......well then, good luck in making people believe that chemicals are okay."

- douglas, when wishing me a good week over the phone this afternoon

the party was fine, finding out that you're sharing the table with the biggest boys unnerves you a lil bit, and then you worry it's going to be the most boring dinner of your life. didn't turn out so bad, these guys aren't as boring as they look. copps was a clown; mike was very very entertaining (he's the proof that accountants can not be boring), dahm seemed very under control at first, but later on i find out he's quite a warm guy..it could have been the alcohol, i don't know. anyhow it was pretty fun.

went on later with arm and andr and m to windows, where there was an interesting turn of events and you see how the male ego struts its stuff. i didn't feel sorry for him then, but thinking back on last night i do, i should have been more sensitive then. it's funny though, how the pheromones worked last night. i think andr started out being quite horny, and seems like arm followed suit. and then m hit on some guy and introduced me to his pal. boys from tennessee, very nice, but typically american again..gees.

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just met up with the rest of the gip people, pretty cool bunch, a good mix of people to be together. totally enjoyed hanging out with them, we had dinner and then off to starbucks. it was crazy, fun and absolutely lovely to be able to talk in singlish and be understood.

but it just struck me how long i haven't hung out with people my age, people with the same agendas and experiences..... and it was a weird feeling. something so familiar becoming so foreign. and it struck me how for the past month i've been working and hanging around with people so much older, from a different world and culture. even with m, i find her an adult and myself, a child. at starbucks just now we were talking about our schools and college, which college had better dress sense and uniforms, which schools had the hottest girls and boys. it became obvious to me then, how these things seemed like topics so foreign now. for the past six weeks or so i've had to mingle with older people, i've trained myself to speak the way big adults do; i don't talk about music school or fashion or which companies have the best prospects, instead i do the adult banter about taxes, travel and cars. i smile politely when i should and try to inject some intelligent jokes when i can; i don't squeal with excitement or break into hysteria like i do when i'm with peeps my age. am i losing this thing they call youth?

It's not just the clothes, even the flowers. they look.....wierd. roses where we come from are just right, not too large and not too closed, but they look closed enough to give off a 'shy' and fresh look; roses here are wide open, you know they've been kept a few days already (you see them on sale from two days before v day).
hell, they look like carnations.
our red roses are rich and deep red in colour you could almost feel the petals would bleed anytime; here the red ones look like white roses dipped in red watercolour.
and i haven't even talked about the wrapping. but i suppose you get the idea already. suddenly i miss roses from sg.
oh and i think i saw someone carrying a bouquet of yellow roses. poor soul.
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shanghai's doing something to me, i'm getting more demented with each day. i find myself getting increasingly attracted to married men now. thirty-something, white boyish men in white collared shirts (preferably with a nice tie) with a fucking wedding band on their ring finger. that shiny piece of metal on their finger alone is a turn on. oh behave, behave.
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i just found out the fucking govt might be shaving a 20% off my gross salary, i don't feel so rich anymore. damn. more reason to find rich (married) boys.
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